Gimme Some Color
Once upon a time, there was a a cactus, born and raised being bullied by everyone around him. His own parents did not want much to do with him because they said that he just did not fit in with the family. He spent his days alone doing the rain dance, which he created himself. The cactus, Christen, considered his rain dance a way of showing respect and a way of praying to the rain gods. No one ever understood why the cactus always wanted it to rain so much. According to everyone else in town, the rain ruined all fun activities. When it rained, students did not get a recess, employees missed a day of work, and no one could enjoy nice weather. The cactus did not have any friends because of his strange belief.
"Dear Rain Gods, I really wish that it would rain, that it would pour. Rain, Rain, don't go away. Come back and don't stay away. Please."
After a long, deep sleep, the cactus awakened to cats and dogs falling from the sky, literally. He ran outside to happily jump from one puddle to the next. Christen knew what was coming next and could not wait to fall in love all over again. He wanted to see the rainbow, taste the rainbow. Ooooh rainbows! The rainbow brought such vibrant colors to his dull and lonely life. He lived in such depression with all of his white cactus flowers. He knew that he was destined to shine bright like a diamond. Diamonds have a way of sparkling in any light! He knew that there was a reason why he did not fit in. He just wished that everyone else recognized why he did not fit in. Christen needed a creative idea that would help him prove it.
Finally, the sun came out! The rain gods answered his prayers. The rainbow started to form in the sky. It stretched and arched across the town. He knew that the rainbow was selfish and did not want to share all of its color. Christen created a plan to trick the rainbow into sharing its color. After all, he did not want that much. He grabbed some grass to camouflage himself and hid in the bushes. His goal was to blend in with the bushes so that the rainbow would fall onto him without knowing.
The rainbow continued to grow and grow while searching for a place on the ground to land and place its golden treasure. Yay! The rainbow was getting closer and closer to the ground. The cactus moved a few steps to the left, then a few steps to the right. The cactus scooted towards the north and slid towards the south. He was successful in getting really close to the rainbow. Before the rainbow realized it, it was sharing its color with the cactus. The rainbow tried to move but the cactus was holding on for dear life. He was never letting go because this was his only chance.
Later that day, the cactus went back in town glowing with color. Everyone looked and noticed that the weird boy was now the coolest boy in town. They ran to him asking for autographs and how he became so cute. The cactus just laughed. He said, "Please don't kill my vibe." Christen's colorful legacy lived on for eternity.
Once upon a time, there was a a cactus, born and raised being bullied by everyone around him. His own parents did not want much to do with him because they said that he just did not fit in with the family. He spent his days alone doing the rain dance, which he created himself. The cactus, Christen, considered his rain dance a way of showing respect and a way of praying to the rain gods. No one ever understood why the cactus always wanted it to rain so much. According to everyone else in town, the rain ruined all fun activities. When it rained, students did not get a recess, employees missed a day of work, and no one could enjoy nice weather. The cactus did not have any friends because of his strange belief.
"Dear Rain Gods, I really wish that it would rain, that it would pour. Rain, Rain, don't go away. Come back and don't stay away. Please."
After a long, deep sleep, the cactus awakened to cats and dogs falling from the sky, literally. He ran outside to happily jump from one puddle to the next. Christen knew what was coming next and could not wait to fall in love all over again. He wanted to see the rainbow, taste the rainbow. Ooooh rainbows! The rainbow brought such vibrant colors to his dull and lonely life. He lived in such depression with all of his white cactus flowers. He knew that he was destined to shine bright like a diamond. Diamonds have a way of sparkling in any light! He knew that there was a reason why he did not fit in. He just wished that everyone else recognized why he did not fit in. Christen needed a creative idea that would help him prove it.
Finally, the sun came out! The rain gods answered his prayers. The rainbow started to form in the sky. It stretched and arched across the town. He knew that the rainbow was selfish and did not want to share all of its color. Christen created a plan to trick the rainbow into sharing its color. After all, he did not want that much. He grabbed some grass to camouflage himself and hid in the bushes. His goal was to blend in with the bushes so that the rainbow would fall onto him without knowing.
The rainbow continued to grow and grow while searching for a place on the ground to land and place its golden treasure. Yay! The rainbow was getting closer and closer to the ground. The cactus moved a few steps to the left, then a few steps to the right. The cactus scooted towards the north and slid towards the south. He was successful in getting really close to the rainbow. Before the rainbow realized it, it was sharing its color with the cactus. The rainbow tried to move but the cactus was holding on for dear life. He was never letting go because this was his only chance.
Later that day, the cactus went back in town glowing with color. Everyone looked and noticed that the weird boy was now the coolest boy in town. They ran to him asking for autographs and how he became so cute. The cactus just laughed. He said, "Please don't kill my vibe." Christen's colorful legacy lived on for eternity.
Source: Michael Fletcher
Author's Note:
When the Rainbow was Torn, from the Tejas Legends, was a simple reinvented life lesson. I chose this writing style because it reminded me of the original story. Sadly, there is always someone that lives a life with no friends, no love, and no support. Many times there is someone in the world that goes unnoticed or unloved until someone else needs something from them. By that time, it is usually too late to become friends with that unwanted person. Never judge a book by its cover. This story was great. I believe that it just needed a boost. I added a main character, Christen, and a plot. Personally, I feel that the color white can sometimes be very boring and lonely. So, I chose to give the cactus a boring and a lonely life. The first thing that came to mind was a child that has suffered from bullying and being made the outcast of his family. From that thought forward, the rest of the story seemed to fall into place. I have found that the easiest storytelling is that which reminds me of a movie. That is a true story. It gives me the visuals to provide more detail and the entertainment to actually like what it is that I am writing.
Florence Stratton and illustrated by Berniece Burrough (1936).
I love how you through in things like raining cats and dogs, or rain rain go away come again another day and shine bright like a diamond and lastly "don't kill my vibe." Such a fun and playful story. This also is sort of a black sheep story that ends up with the cactus winning in the end. I love a heroic story where a character is often looked over or featured as an outcast then finally made it in the end, It makes you excited for that character. Such a great story, I'm excited to see how your portfolio evolves. Great job Chandler!
ReplyDeleteHey, Chandler! I really enjoyed your story, though I must admit that at first I had absolutely no idea where the plot was going. I like that you added a specific protagonist into your story, providing a detailed characterization and adding a very individual, personal atmosphere to the tale. And the way that you wove into your tale various everyday phrases in the unlikeliest places really added character to your tale.
ReplyDeleteThe only criticism I might add is that of word choice--there were a couple instances where you reused words and clarifiers in consecutive sentences, making the story a little repetitive at times; finding and choosing synonyms or more detailed adjectives may help to lessen this effect and could only improve your story. Great job! Can't wait to read more of your portfolio!
I really liked the way you paced the story: you gave the right amount of detail to the audience rarely sooner or later than they needed it, which is a great feature! You also did a great job building up Christen's personal issues and his response to them.
ReplyDeleteI would say that your word choice could have been better to allow the reader to be immersed more in the world of the story. There was, for example, a lot of cliche that I think could have been replaced with something more interesting. The introductory line "Once upon a time..." has been used for a while now. However, the way writers have generally kept the phrase "fresh" is how they use it. For example, what if I wrote this as an introduction (?): "Once upon a time.... Every character that began their story this way met their 'Happily ever after' only after they paid a price... And now I'm going to tell you how that happened."
I really liked the little splashes of modern day phrases from various songs or popular videos. I thought they gave the story a playful tone that caused myself to smile throughout the story. Your author's note also gave deep insight as to how you changed the story and what you added. I thought it was neat how you decided white was a bleak and boring color so you decided to give the cactus no color to model that. I also thought your paragraph structure was very well done. It is hard to read a story that incorporates long and detail filled paragraphs. Your paragraphs have great detail but do not consist of lines and lines of writing.
ReplyDeleteSomething you could add to make the story more personal and make it stand out to readers is to give it a unique title. I have decided to read many books and stories solely because they had a title that grabbed my attention. Overall, I really like this story. Great job!
Hi Chandler, I like the start of your portfolio. I like how the layout is plain with a pop of the hot pink. The color is a perfect touch. I also like your font choice. It is blocky but easy to read. The story overall flowed well and was easy to follow. The spacing of the paragraphs was perfect and helped with the flow.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest to add a title to your storytelling. This is just a way to catch the reader’s attention right away and a way to give them a hint of what the story is going to be about.
The story was very interesting. I like how you made the cactus, have a name and personality. This really added a lot to the story. As well as the rainbow. You can tell how much imagination went into this story. It was a great read and your author’s note was very helpful. Good job!
Chandler. I thought that this was a great story to put into your profile. I liked how you used so much detail to express what was going on. This was great and made the story much more entertaining. I also found it interesting that you made the story about a cactus. It is such a random and unique thing to pick, but you did a great job with this.
ReplyDeleteI liked the ending of the story. It was great seeing how the "town freak" cactus ended up becoming the coolest cactus in town. This was an excellent turn of events and made me like the story even more. It was interesting seeing how different this cactus' views of things (such as the rain) were compared to all the other cactuses in town. Overall, great job with your story!
This is such a fun and playful story! It was one that I didn't have to make myself finish reading, rather, I got to the end and was sad it was over! I just want to hug Christen.. maybe not literally... but I just hate that he was bullied! Your storybook looks great, and I am glad you included this one! I think my favorite parts were when you changed up really common things like the rain dance "don't stay away" lyric, so fun! I also like in your author's note how you talk about there are people who go through life unsupported, and Christen was the same way, but his life turned around! Granted, people on earth can't just hang onto a rainbow and become super attractive, but I like that Christen didn't sit and wallow with self-pity. It was a great story overall, and the only think I would mention for improvements (based on personal preference) I would shave liked there to be more development post-transformation. I don't know what the original story was like, so maybe you just followed suit, but I think it could be fun to elaborate on how his lit changed more! Awesome, awesome job!
ReplyDeleteWow, with all of the myths and legends that we read in this class, it was very interesting to read something so different. I liked that it was a sort of coming-of-age story for this little cactus. While he seems a little arrogant at the end, I'm going to say it's just confidence, and that he became good friends with everyone at the end. At the very beginning of your story, you used "a" twice, and then the only thing that threw me off was when you said it was LITERALLY raining cats and dogs. Considering it's a story with a talking cactus, I didn't consider it out of the question that cats and dogs were literally falling from the sky. Maybe you could say there was a torrential downpour, or it was raining cats and dogs without literally, or something like that.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, it's a really great story. It flowed really well, and I enjoyed reading it.
Nice job, Chandler! I really enjoyed reading this post and my favorite aspect of it was the imagery you used to convey the rainbow's "sharing" of color with the cactus. Although this is substantial enough to be a story in and of itself, I am most impressed by the way that you seamlessly explain your interpretation of the original story in your author's note. I do agree that loneliness and despair is aptly described as "colorless," so you've captured that sentiment really well while offering a poignant portrayal of this idea through your interesting story.
ReplyDeleteMy one suggestion is that you might want to consider utilizing a little more dialogue to move the story along. While I really enjoyed your narration, I think it would be excellent to have some conversation among the characters.
Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking work. I look forward to seeing the rest of your portfolio in the future, and am sure it will turn out great. Nicely done!
Hi Chandler! I wanted to start by saying that I like the layout of your website; it has a really nice sleek and minimal feel to it. I read your “Gimmie Some Color” story this week, and it was great! You did such a great job of developing Christen as a character that the readers will root for; I know that I felt myself cheering a little more for him as the story progressed. I think that making him an outsider really helped to establish a connection with him from the beginning. You also did a great job of adding humor into the story so it did not make it feel too sad at times. One of my favorite examples of this was when he was trying to be sneaky enough to get the rainbows color. I enjoyed how you made that sequence into a big finale of him holding on for dear life. Christen ending triumphantly was the perfect way to end the story!
ReplyDelete