Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Week Five: Storytelling

The Innocent Murderer

Once upon a time, over the grassy hill and through the scary forest lived a bear. The bear was known to many others, who also considered the scary forest home, such as Grandma Mattie. She received the name Grandma Mattie from her closest friends because she was one of the oldest in the neighborhood of the forest known as Love Land. Grandma Mattie was born and raised in Love Land. It would be her home until it was time for her to fly with the angels. She loved everyone with the most unselfish heart, as if they were own children. The husband of Grandma Mattie had been deceased for years now. It was terrible how his life ended.  As soon as the two said "I do," he had a heart attack and fell over. The two love birds never had the chance to birth their own mini cubs. Her nurturing tendencies found a way to display themselves every single chance that she got. For example, she would routinely bake many delicious blueberry pies to share with her neighbors every Tuesday morning.

One day a young cub came into town with his head hanging low, his fur extremely dirty, and gooey snot dripping from his nose. Everyone looked down at him like a poor lost boy and with disgust. No one wanted to offer him food and shelter because of the ancient proverb:

"See a stranger, meet a stranger;
Meet a stranger, lose a life.
See a stranger, turn your head.
For you mother always said."

Everyone was too frightened to meet a stranger because one never knew the true intentions of stranger. They all have watched enough LifeTime movies to know that strangers are capable of pure craziness. Grandma Mattie did not mind meeting strangers. In reality, she loved meeting new people. She saw such opportunities as a chance to welcome more people into her loving home.

She quickly offered the cub, who said his name was Jacob, a slice of her famous blueberry pie and a bed to rest his body. They both took a liking to each other in seconds. She began to raise him, school him, and love him, like she would do for anyone else. Neighbors that disagreed with her friendliness towards the cub would voice their opinions about it. Unfortunately, Grandma Mattie chose not to listen.

One day, Grandma Mattie decided to teach the young cub how to fish. Unlike most bears, Grandma Mattie preferred to fish just like humans, with a fishing pole. After some practice, Jacob seemed to be a professional fisherman. One day, he fished for hours and hours because it was just so fun! He noticed that something was swimming in the water with a huge fin on its back. He wanted to show Grandma Mattie the massive fishy swimming so bad that he could hardly even speak.

He pushed Grandma Mattie in so that she could swim with the fishy. The fishy, with the huge fin on its back, began to rip Grandma Mattie to pieces. Her blood and limbs were flying everywhere and Jacob ran into town to get help. Once the neighbors realized what happened, they grieved for weeks. Poor Jacob was felt alone again. No one in Love Land wanted to take him in. They were all too scared of him now. The homeless little cub wandered off looking for another home. Until this day, Love Land has forbidden welcoming strangers into their neighborhood.
Source: Bear


Author’s Note: With this story, I wanted to create a story that was somewhat similar to the Three Little Bears. That story has been on my mind for days. The Foolish Friend was a great story, which can be found in the book of The Panchatantra of Vishnu Sharma, translated by Arthur W. Ryder (1925). I did not want to change it too drastically because I did like the original story line. I changed the animals in the story, how the two characters became friends, and how one character dies. The original story consisted of a king that became really close to a monkey.  No one understood why the king wanted to be great friends with a monkey. The king had everything he wanted under the sun, plus a monkey for a friend. During the king's afternoon nap, the monkey was assigned as a body guard. The king and his wife rested in peace until they were due for their next public appearance. The monkey tried to kill the mosquito that rested on the king. Unfortunately, he killed the king instead.I wanted my story to have a similar ending. Jacob, the little cub, did not understand that it was a shark in the water. He innocently sent Grandma Mattie to her ending.


8 comments:

  1. Thanks for getting the storytelling done, Chandler! Super! With the image, that strange design you see on it is a watermark, which is warning that the image is copyrighted and not freely available for anyone to use. To find images that are free to use, you can use the tips here: Finding Images to Use Online.

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  2. Wow! This story was really good!! It was very well written! I like how you changed the characters into bears and that Grandma Mattie was as sweet as can be. It's really sad about that saying because when my dad was a little kid, they had no problems meeting strangers. But now in our generation, it's like a big no-no. Your story is sad because Jacob didn't even mean to kill her. It was only an accident and all of the other bears in the neighborhood didn't trust strangers anymore.

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  3. Hey, Chandler! This story was very interesting – I definitely did not see the ending coming. I thought the way you strung your words together made the story so real and I was genuinely sad and very shocked when the grandma bear died. I also appreciated how in your author’s note you explained how the original story went as well so I could compare and contrast. I found one typo so keep an eye out for that but other than that, great work!

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  4. You had an interesting twist at the end! I know lots of people would assume a cute bear cub would be harmless. But you definitely proved that assumption wrong!

    I would suggest that you make a few modifications to your word choice though: you tend to use some words that kind of break my immersion in the story. A few examples of these words/phrases are: "they have all watched enough LifeTime movies", "this particular division of the forest called Love Land", etc. What I mean is that I, as a reader, anticipate to be brought into a world of non-modern mysticism. Pop culture references are fine as long as you establish that the story is grounded in reality somewhat, because otherwise it doesn't quite work with the plot of the story. And be careful of your word choice: "particular division of" for example could instead be "little corner of", which would be more appropriate. I would expect the phrase "division" to be used by someone describing technical details of a very serious topic, not a whimsical tale like your story.

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  5. This was an interesting story, very different from any of the others I have read. It's a little difficult to understand at first, though. You start off by talking about a bear, but then you switch to Grandma Mattie. It's unclear that Grandma Mattie is also supposed to be a bear until the little cub comes through. I thought up until that point that Grandma Mattie was a human. You definitely make the story your own, but I agree with Posh's comments about word choice. The tone and diction is very informal which are not bad but sometimes it breaks up the flow in the story or distracts or confuses the reader. It’s really sad that Grandma Mattie got eaten by a shark (that’s what I’m assuming the “fish with a fin on its back” is). It’s odd to find a shark in the middle of a forest. Maybe you could explain how it got there.

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  6. Chandler,
    I thought your story was very cute but also really sad. Poor little Jacob had no idea that he was sending the very person, or should I say bear, he loved the most to meet her doom. Speaking of bears, the beginning of your story was a little unclear. When you introduced Grandma Mattie, I did not realize that she was a bear so when you finally mentioned it I was a little confused. Also, there were a few errors that I noticed but nothing too extreme. For example, you said “After a few some practice” instead of maybe saying “after some practice” or “after a few tries.” I thought that the way you described Grandma Mattie and little Jacob fishing was adorable. I liked that how Grandma Mattie preferred fishing with a pole instead of fishing with her paws the way real bears do. Overall, I enjoyed your story and I thought the picture you used was great.

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  7. I really liked the idea of your story. It was such a sweetly written story, very light and fun but had a really sad ending. I felt so bad for Jacob the little cub, who had meant well, but it had ended in disaster for him. I wish the people of Love Land had been able to recognize the accident for what it was and take the little cub in.

    It seemed like throughout your story you could not decide whether the characters you were talking about were bears are people. You mentioned them as bears several times, but then also mentioned the word people several times, so it was a little bit confusing. There were some grammatical errors in your story that made it a little bit hard to read. Reading the story out loud to yourself can help you catch those times where you added unnecessary words, or left out an important word. It also might be helpful to read your story looking for missing or misplaced commas, since correct placement of them is so important to the meaning of a story as well as to creating stories which are easy to understand.

    Great job!

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  8. I like how you structured your story and definitely didn't anticipate that ending. One thing that I had a little trouble following was whether or not we were talking about people or bears. It seemed like you started with bears but then talked about them like people for a little bit and then switched back. You might just go back and double check that. You also have some minor grammar errors with "The bear was known to many others...as Grandma Mattie" (I don't think you need the "such") and "true intentions of (a) stranger" so maybe just go back through and take a look at those. The last thing is just for your page overall, and it's a bit of a personal thing, but I had some trouble with reading the font you chose. That might just be me so feel free to keep it exactly how it is, but you might consider seeing if there's another one you like that's easier to read!

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